When we live behind our defensive wall of anger and isolation, we may think we are being in control, but we actually can be pretty hard to be around. People may feel as if they have to walk on eggshells around us and are likely to stay away from us, reinforcing our isolation.
Galatians 5:22-23 identifies self-control as a fruit of the Holy Spirit. This is not a self-centered kind of control. Rather, it is self-control that flows from the knowledge of who we are in Christ. Seeing the other fruit described in the same passage (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness) makes it clear that they are all other-centered, not self-centered.