From Control to Intimacy: Fear of Losing Control

From Control to Intimacy: Fear of Losing Control

Living Free Every Day®
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Today's Scripture
"Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you." Psalm 37:5 NLT

Thoughts for Today
When we have been deeply wounded or abused, we find it difficult to let go of our fears and put our trust in God. Our past hurts and our natural reactions to them make us try to control every move and action in our life and in the lives of those close to us. We become anxious when we cannot predict exactly what is going to occur next.

Coming out of an abusive past, we suffer from panic attacks. We are immobilized by fears when a major area of our life is out of control. Change is intolerable. We prefer to remain in destructive relationships, continue with nonproductive and meaningless jobs, and maintain destructive behaviors rather than face the uncertainties that come with taking steps to a healthier direction for our lives.

We try to control our lives by being perfect ourselves. And we don't stop there - we also try to control our husband, wife, children, parents, and friends. Our fear of being out of control drives us to become increasingly rigid.

Consider this …
Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, you have probably built walls to protect yourself. These walls not only keep out the pain, but they also keep out the joy, love, and fellowship God so much wants to share with you. Without this fellowship, this intimacy with God, you cannot grow in the him.

Your fears and anxieties and need to control also may lead you to create barriers in your relationships with others. Intimacy with those you care about is difficult, if not impossible.

This week we will look at some steps to take to begin letting go of fear and trusting God.

Father, forgive me for this great need I have for controlling other people and all the circumstances of my life. It just seems as though in the past, when I was not in control, terrible things happened. But I don't want to continue walking in fear. Help me trust you. In my head, I know you want the best for me. I pray that truth will reach my heart. In Jesus' name . . .

These thoughts were drawn from …

Restoring Families: Overcoming Abusive Relationships through Christ by Janet M. Lerner, D.S.W. This study helps to minister to families caught in the cycle of abusive relationships. The curriculum deals with overcoming these abusive relationships through Christ and is recommended for use in support groups and Christian counseling.

  • Ministers to families from abusive relationships
  • Ministers to victims of family violence
  • Deals with wounded emotions
  • Deals with control and intimacy issues
  • Presents a strong message of Christ as healer of abusive relationships


Note: This curriculum was written especially for small groups, and we encourage people to use it that way. However, it can also be used effectively as a personal study for individuals or couples.

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